Monday, May 15, 2006

Who is a bad boy now?

One thing, that I may have mentioned before is that I'm not a natural born nice person. I see self centred devious people about me and think there but for the grace of the Goddress or goodness go I. See thing is I'm quite a fantastic liar and capable of a great deal of charm when the mood suits me. And that tends to lead to some unpleasantness after the fact which isn't fair on the other people involved.

However, due to family circumstances which either you know about or if you don't I'm not going to tell you here I've learned over the course of my childhood that sometimes there isn't really a place in your life for such personal indulgence. So, I've tried to be a better person. And I've done an ok job for the most part. That said, it takes an effort to be this good. And by 'this good', I don't mean as some measure of fantabulous goodness rather to say this is how good I currently am. I retain a devious capablity which I like to keep to a minimum. Something people who don't know me from my younger days tend not to be aware of.

So, it is especially depressing for me with a big 'D' when things occur that cause me to question the point in all the effort. Why not let the bad lad out? It is hardly like I'm a saint or that everyone else is living the good life. Yet being a complete bastard is just too easy and too tempting. And how would I ever walk away from it once I'd started down that path. Morality , decency and having a better nature is all well and good but when you see the cheaters winning you wonder if it might not be time to step outside the rules and take some for yourself. Anyway, that moment has passed for now, and I'm hopefully the karma might work for me for once.

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